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[Feb. 9th, 2007|05:52 pm] |
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I fathered Anna Nicole Smith's baby. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2006|11:18 pm] |
Yeah, yeah....It's been a while.
So I was just watching a TV show on DVD. Do you remember the spin off of the X-files? "The Lone Gunmen?" It was half comedy, half x-files with the 3 computer hackers that were Molder's freinds.
Well, watching the pilot now was kind of spooky. Not because it was a doomed show from 10 years ago and I'm watching it by myself in the basement on a Saturday night. Not that kind of spooky.
Spooky because the story goes...The U.S. government is enacting a terrorism protocol not as a training exercise, but as a way to increase arms sales by starting a war. A faction of the government is going to crash a plane and then let 3rd world dictators take credit and "smartbomb" the hell out of them. As the script reads.
The eeriest part is late in the episode when the U.S. terrorists are trying to crash the plane into the "World Trade Center" buildings and they show the jet clipping the top of the building as they narrowly avoid disaster. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2005|10:59 pm] |
I'm bored... Someone needs to e-mail me and entertain me.
I miss having someone to tell my stupid day-to-day stories to.
I learned the origination of the word "haolie" tonight from Kali'i. Perhaps it's not the true one, but it sounded good and I'm willing to believe it. He also taught me to stay away from balding, homosexual japanese dwarfs, who sing karoake, and rub their butt on your shins. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 15th, 2005|08:31 pm] |
Today was a great day at Jamba. Sorry you were sick Jim. It would have been even better if you were there.
Now for some Neverwinter and maybe later on I'll teach myself the steps to "Shake a tail feather" |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|12:04 am] |
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I got a haircut today! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2005|09:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
Aut bought Dance Dance Revolution and 2 floor mat controllers for the Playstation 2, over the internet. I was surprised to see them last night when I got home from work.
Is it a game? Yes.
Is it dancing? No, not really.
Is it a lot of exercise? Fuck Yes.
Does Silas look like a total dweeb doing it? What do you think? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2005|05:02 pm] |
I got to wear the Banana Suit!!!
I am somebody. I am Somebody!!
Things are going to start happening to me, Now.
*pa-ching* |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2005|08:52 pm] |
The Rules
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page
123.
3. Find the fifth full sentence.
4. Post the text of the
sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search
around for the coolest book you can find. Use what's actually nearest to
you.
"You see, fear has had an effect on him; he recoiled from the bayonets, while a madman recoils at nothing: I have done some interesting research on the subject in Charenton."
"The Count of Monte Cristo"
Alexandre Dumas |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2005|11:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Devilish | ] |
Yeah, that was good. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|10:58 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Laughing way too hard | ] |
Ah sweet Jesus...
A moment of pure 5th grade humor.
A lady was with her kids over in the children's section, right next to the sales counter. She kept saying "Where's the big snake? Where's the big snake?"
And in my head I said "In my pants, lady. In my pants."
To which she added out loud, "Where's the monkey? Where's the monkey?"
I think I'm crying. It's a good thing you weren't here Natalie. I would have had to escort myself outside, or I'd laugh so hard milk would come out my nose. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|06:59 pm] |
A lady today asked if I could make a sign telling customers not to use their cell phones inside the store. I'll get right on that....
But no, people who talk loudly and annoyingly on cell phones in public places don't pay any attention to signs. And if they're going to be rude, they won't take kindly to anyone pointing it out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2005|12:21 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
Using Gizzoogle this is a previous journal entry of mine that just came out beautifully....
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[izzy. 20th, 2004| 02:55 pm ] |
"Would you like a bag fo` this?" - Silas
"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!?" - Drug Deala
Come on lady... What tha fizzy do you thizzink I said. "Get tha hizzell out of mah store you filthy cow. And takes yo shitty self hizzay books wit you!!!" | |
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| BALLS!!! |
[Mar. 7th, 2005|05:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
Lovely. Just lovely. I was outside in the courtyard at work pressure washing several years worth of gunk off the flagstones and suddenly my pressure drops to nothing. I look behind me to see a geysering jet of water leaping from the middle of the hose. It appears that as I was moving around and using the wand, the pressure building and decreasing caused the hose to curl. It didn't kink, just curled upward. It also appears that it landed on the motor which was as hot as a the sun, and melted through the outer casing, insulation and inner casing of the hose. Damnit all to hell. In all the millions of safety warnings in the maintenance manual, of which I read cover to cover, it never once mentions that this could happen. This thing was brand spanking new too. Luckily it's one of the cheapest parts to replace, I think. Grrr.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2005|06:30 pm] |
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It only looks like I'm holding up little Loki for the camera. In actuality I was raising him up for a sacrificial pagan cermony. But he got away... PIPPIN!!! COME HERE PIPPIN!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 21st, 2005|08:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stuffed with soup and cocoa | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Polyphonic Spree *Those Wacky Cultists* | ] |
I've been ever so slightly bothered by the fact that lately while scanning the shelves at the video store, or scanning the channels at home, that I'll give a long hard look at a movie that I very well know I have sitting next to the TV at home. I tell myself, "what are you doing? You own this movie. Just plug it in and watch it anytime you want."
Does anyone know the reasoning for this? I've been heartend this past week by seeing 6 or 7 children look at a book in the store and beg their parents to get it for them only to have their parents tell them that the very same book is at home. The child then tries to convince them that they don't have this book.
Is this human nature? Is this merely people seeing what they already know they like and wanting it again? Am I just a child who hasn't grown up. Yes, I know I'm a boy, and therefore most of you will say that I have NOT grown up based on that fact. ;)
Tonight I watched a 2.5 to 3.5 year old boy make an Olympian standing high jump leap straight up and grab the top of the podium on our pissant stage. He had enough strength to hang on for a few seconds and enough weight to tip it backward, bringing it and him crashing to the ground, the podium smashing down on top of him and pinning his spindly little twisted legs under it while he screamed bloody murder. (which it very nearly was. Except it was suicide.) I rush over thinking he broke his legs and crushed his ribcage, or at least gave himself a concusion as his head was driven into the hardwood floors by a oaken stand the outweighed him three times over. Dad, turns away from his espresso and sees me and another stranger pulling the podium off the kid. I was wondering if he was going to freak out, OR be 'cool dad' and make sure his son was okay and then brush him off. He went beyond 'cool dad', into what I'd probably call 'criminally negligent dad' and handed him a cookie, sat the screaming boy at the counter and went back to drinking his coffee and reading the paper. I went and called the store manager to let him know what had happened and fetch an accident report form. Dad said he didn't feel it necessary to fill anything out, (as his kid is still screaming next to him) and went back to the paper.
I guess all that's left to do now is repair the horribly mangled podium....Apparently the kids a write off. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|08:19 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
Damnit to hell.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2005|08:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
I don't remember who I told this story to, so forgive me if you've heard it....
About a week ago, during the nice weather, I was sitting out in the courtyard here at the store reading a book. I glance up and see a guy flossing his teeth at the next table. Kinda gross. I go back to reading my book. He is really, really, into flossing his teeth. He's going at it for quite a while. I glance up again. He's still at it. College aged. Normal clothes. Doesn't look deranged. Back to my book.
Motion in the corner of my eye....
I glance again. He's standing up and pulling a toothbrush out of his coat pocket. Jeez... Enough already. Go to the bathroom and do that if you have to. I'm eating lunch out here. Well, he'll have to go to the bathroom to get some water right?
Wrong. He walks over to the fountain, dips his toothbrush in, and applies the paste. I'm in shock.
This isn't some french fountain that the whole village uses for water. Okay, Sorry, it IS a French fountain...but no villagers. This is a stinky, slimy wishing well type fountain. I just pressure washed 2 years of grime off it the day before. Most of the grime went INTO the water. A child would know better than to drink the swill in this pond. Unless they were blind and had no taste buds, although they could probably still feel the chunkyness of it, and the burning sensation as it dissolved their gums would be a dead giveaway. We fill it with the skanky-assed garden hose that's lying next to the fountain in the dirt. To prevent it from freezing, our manager pours vodka or antifreeze in it.
Why didn't I say something you ask? Imagine that you saw someone with their fly down. You might say something. How about if their wang's hanging out the fly? Bit harder to mention it, huh? Okay, how about if you realize that they can't possibly be oblivious to the fact that they are walking around with their tool swinging in the breeze, and so pointing it out to them would be pointless. Thus it is with the water in the fountain. Besides, I'm trying to eat lunch.
After brushing his teeth with the skank ~water~, he fills up a cup and proceeds to rinse his mouth and spit into the garden. Not done yet, he swishes his brush in the cup and then rinses it in the fountain.
After this 10 minute ritual, he stands around for a while by the front doors until a girl walks out and joins him on their way to the car. I sincerely wanted to warn her, but there was just no way I could get her alone. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to kiss that. So very, very sorry.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|12:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
Yesterday, I watched a co-worker ringing up a customer. She said, "And I'll just need to see a piece of photo ID for the check" The lady stopped writing her check, looked up, and said angrily, "I'm still writing the check! I'll get out my ID in a minute. Hang on!"
NO NO NO NO!!! Put the pen down and get out your ID NOW, WOMAN!!!
I just wanted to say to her, "Yes moron, we know. Pardon us for not prefacing that statement by saying, 'Once you've completed your check writing....' We didn't figure we'd be dealing with someone this stupid today. Please, by all means, continue your check writing with our apologies, as I come up behind you and shove that stick a little further up your ass."
Stupid Customers.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2005|06:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  shocked | ] |
We just got a new pressure washer at work. $400 plus bucks. It's for cleaning our courtyard and for spraying bird crap of the side of the building. (It's for washing my manager, Roger's Miata. Maybe for washing Roger.)
I'm assembling it while working the sales counter. It's off to the side, in a place where I can see if anyone needs to check out, next to the childrens area. A kid comes in and asks what it is. I tell him it's a new pressure washer and he says, "cool". His mom comes in and asks me about the event tonight and then they go and look at kids books.
I finish the assembly and start reading through the massive safety and operations manuals. Plural. I'm nearing completion when they get up to leave. She heads for the door. He takes a running LEAP and attempts to jump over the new $400+ washer. He fails. He lands on the side of the machine, kicks the spray wand, and stumbles forward, regaining his balance.
As I'm picking my jaw up off the floor, she asks him if he's okay. Then she asks me if IT is okay. I say "I have no idea" and get up to go examine it. He says "I'm sorry" and they walk out the door as I'm seeing if he broke the wand in half or not.
The good news is that it looks like he didn't actually break anything on the washer. I won't know until I'm able to gas it up and try it tomorrow morning. The bad news is that he didn't actually break anything on his body...
No, I'm just kidding. Kind of.
But the mom didn't even come back the five steps to see if damage had been done, didn't chastise him at all, just hi-tailed it out of there as I turned my back. GOOD FUCKING GOD PEOPLE!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PARENTS?!?
If I had attempted this as a kid, and SUCCEEDED in jumping over some expensive machinery I would have gotten yelled at, as it should be. Not to mention what would happen if I landed on it. I'm not saying she should have pounded on her kid, I won't get into that. That's for someone else to decide if it's right or wrong. But she sure as hell should have done something.....
Oh look!! I think she's back. She just walked right passed me and into the bakery. Aparently she came to the event afterall. Probably took her kid home and put him in front of the square babysitter.... |
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